S01E01 Pilot
Young Patrick dreams of earning his knighthood and dispensing justice to evildoers. He’s driven by his goodhearted, earnest nature, but also by guilt: his own siblings are some of the land’s most notorious crooks. However,...
Crossing Swords
Overview
Goodhearted hero wannabe Patrick lands his dream job as a squire, only to learn the royal castle is a corrupt hornet’s nest of horny monarchs, crooks and charlatans. War, murder, full frontal nudity—who knew brightly colored peg people led such exciting lives?
Episodes
S01E02 Hot Tub Death Machine
Patrick’s excitement to start his new squire job is quickly dampened when he is placed in charge of deciding who to execute as part of King Merriman’s publicity stunt. While Patrick struggles between pleasing the...
S01E03 What’s Kraken?
When Patrick scores highly coveted tickets to a Kraken watching cruise for his parents, he sees an opportunity to impress his hard-to-please father. The gift blows up in his face when the cruise is hijacked...
S01E04 In the Line of Squire
As a string of high-profile assassinations rock the kingdom, the headstrong and petulant Princess Blossom returns home from school to attend a giant music festival. Patrick is stuck as her one-man security detail. Guarding the...
S01E05 Let Them Eat Clown
Patrick is thrilled to escort King Merriman to a charity golf retreat, only to arrive and find out it’s actually the Chill Society, an annual bacchanal where rival kings meet to divvy up power and...
S01E06 My Super Sweet Period Party
As the only uncut squire, Patrick is horrified to learn that he will need to undergo a circumcision to keep his job. Meanwhile, as Blossom celebrates the arrival of her first period, she learns that...
S01E07 Look Who’s Stalking
Fed up with a string of bad investments that have led the kingdom to bankruptcy, King Merriman throws out a pot of “magic beans,” which quickly grow into a giant beanstalk. Seeing an escape from...
S01E08 The Snow Job
When a deadly plague sweeps through the Kingdom, Patrick accompanies the royal family north to stay safe, isolated in an icy ski lodge. While the family makes it to the lodge, Patrick finds himself trapped...
S01E09 The A-Moooo-Zing Race
The assassin has orchestrated the kidnapping of Princess Blossom, and a Minotaur holds her captive in its maze. Now the King and Queen must abdicate the throne, or their daughter will be eaten by a...
S01E10 Unchained Monarchy
Patrick returns to the castle with the rescued Princess Blossom only to find it under siege. The minotaur maze was only part of the assassin’s devious plan, and Patrick comes face-to-face with the force that...
